Thursday, March 19, 2009

Daily Show in Cheney Payoff Scandal

Assimilated Press has confirmed rumors of a payoff scheme between The Daily Show's Jon Stewart and former Vice President Dick Cheney.

Cheney, who has recently gone on record accusing the Obama Administration of opening up America to increased attacks from terrorists, was seen pocketing a large check from a Daily Show staffer.

The image, caught by telephoto lens by independent journalist Andy Borowitz, shows a Daily Show intern, disguised as a Republican, waiting outside a television studio holding a sign saying "We Love Our Dick" and standing in line to shake the former Vice President's hand.

Assimilated Press' crack team of photoanalysts have examined the image and verified that the paper being pocketed by Cheney is a check made out for $100,000, signed by Jon Stewart, with the note on the lower left hand side of the check reading "for services rendered."

Daily Show alumnus and Jon Stewart associate, Stephen Colbert, staunchly denies the charges, but concedes "there is an element of truthiness" about the rumor.

"After all, Dick Cheney was the greatest thing that ever happened to American satire," said Mr. Colbert. "How often do you get to riff your comedy off a true evil genius who's so totally in charge of the biggest devaluation of American ideals in recorded history?"

" Now, I'm not saying that there really is any truth to the rumors that Jon [Stewart] is trying to keep Cheney in play, " continued Mr. Colbert, "but hey, I mean, who heard from Walter Mondale after his term was over? What happened to Dan Quayle? To let Cheney just go quietly off into that good night - what a waste!"


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